Glory Days

Recently, I was eating breakfast and two men were at a table nearby discussing their high school baseball team. They were quite loud in the retelling of their team's victories, laughing in stories of specific players and coaches' antics. One of them, in particular, was boasting quite a bit about how much better their team had been than the current team is. I briefly glanced over, but only noticed their t-shirts, blue jeans and ball caps. It wasn't a long enough look to determine their ages; however, from the detail of their stories, I assumed they had only recently graduated and were probably students at the local university.

That is, until one of them mentioned that he graduated in 1986! I nearly choked on my Diet Coke! These guys were even older than me! Twenty-five years later, and these were the accomplishments they were still reveling in. The glory days of high school...

I started to reflect on my high school years. Were those really the good old days? Let me think...I could eat a Snickers and Mt. Dew for breakfast every day and still be a size 3. Plus. My hair could maintain its style in an F5 tornado (yay, Aquanet!). Not a plus. My '79 Cutlass used as much oil as it did gas. Definitely not a plus. Between that car and my hairspray, I was probably responsible for much of the ozone depletion (sorry, Al Gore!). Tears were spilled over relationships that lasted only two weeks. Friendships ended over rumors and petty squabbles. Brain cells were killed...I won't go into the details.

No, overall, I think I'm sticking to my original story. Life begins at forty.

The buzzards were circling

Today I was driving my little red convertible. This was a 40th birthday present to myself. Since the age of 16, I have coveted a little deuce coupe. This Summer, I decided that it was now or never so I bought my "feel good" car.

While I was sitting at an incredibly long red-light, I noticed a dark figure overhead. I looked up to see a buzzard fly above me, just a little too close for comfort. As I continued to wait for the light to change, I couldn't help but be aware of the buzzard as it continued to circle above me. This was a four lane highway with no roadkill in sight. However, something about a middle-aged woman driving a convertible must have seemed inviting to a necrophiliac bird who normally preys on decaying carcasses.

I looked up at the bird and told him, "I'm not dead yet!" as the light turned green and I sped away.

A New Attitude

There's something liberating about aging. I have a newfound sense of confidence since the surreal moment when I realized that I am actually forty. I thought about the petty things that routinely upset me, and realized I have outgrown all of that. The phrase that popped into my head (in the voice of Eddie Murphy's Gumby character from SNL) was, "I'm 40, dammit!"

When I was little, I can remember that my grandmother was in a department store when the elastic in her underwear broke. She was, of course, wearing a dress so the giant granny panties fell straight onto the floor. Without missing a beat, she stepped out of them, bent down to pick them up, and placed them in her purse. There was no blushing or scurrying out of the store. She didn't care what anyone thought. It is what it is; and there were many devastating events she had lived through that were far worse than panties on the floor. She had perspective on things (ok, and she had dementia).

Granted, I'm not quite to that point yet where fallen panties wouldn't turn my cheeks red (all four of them!). However,Im looking forward to that as one of the perks of this downhill glide of the second half of life. I will stop sweating the small stuff. So what if I'm singing in my car and someone sees me at a stoplight? Whoop de do! I remember a time when my mother was my age, and my parents were going out for their anniversary. When they came home later that night she was laughing because she had realized during dinner that she was wearing two different shoes. They were both the white pumps, but definitely not a matching pair. I can remember thinking how mortified that would be if it were me, and how relieved I was that I had not been with them. Now, I'm seeing the humor in this. She was forty, dammit!

It's My Birthday

It is official. I am forty. That's years. I am forty years old. Maybe if I say it enough, it will actually sink in. Although thirty never did. I always felt 27. That was the year I became a mom. In my mind, I stopped aging at that point.

But, today I turned forty. They say that life begins at forty. I feel as if I have already lived quite a life, so what exactly is it that will now begin?

I'm moving into the second half of my life. Is the first half the uphill climb, and the second half all downhill? Do we spend the first 39 years trying to find ourselves, prove our worth to society and earn the love and respect of others? If so, then is this second half where we reap the benefits of all that hard work?

Then this would be the time in my life that I stop searching for who I am, and instead I embrace who I already am. I no longer need to prove my worth, but now relax and feel worthwhile. I have earned the love and respect of others, so I now learn to love and respect myself. Is that what they mean by life beginning at forty?

I believe maybe it is. Please follow along, as I share the journey of this second half of my life. For those readers who are also forty +, please share with me your insights into this stage of life.